Let's Steal a Humvee and Pick Up a Hooker

I have a new young friend, Texas. Texas and I met at a show a couple months back, and over time have evolved into an unlikely friendship. Unlikely, I suppose, because Texas is about a decade younger than me, and hails from the Land of Dubya. Texas is a lifelong gamer and is continually amazed how I know NOTHING about games or game systems. I on the other hand am continually amazed how he knows NOTHING about bands like Nirvana or TV shows like Twin Peaks and Northern Exposure. It works though - probably because we always have a lot to talk about.

The other day I was at Texas's place surveying the complicated array of game systems. I'm not sure how many systems there are out there (I lost touch after the grey-boxed Nintendo Entertainment System, if that tells you anything), but I'm pretty sure he has them all. Texas was showing me the online features and helping me create an avatar for myself, when suddenly a thought occurred to me. "Hey, have you ever played a game called Grand Theft Auto? I've heard of it and I have always wanted to play it."

Texas sighed patiently and plucked the game off the shelf. "I have it right here." He popped it into one of the systems and fired it up. He started to play while I watched and learned and asked questions. The conversation went something like this:

Me: So I hear we can steal cars? And get hookers?
Texas: Yes, though I always steal a motorcycle (Texas is a big motorcycle fan and rides one himself)
Me: Well cool, then let's get a hooker!
Texas: Okay, I think I know where to find some...first we have to steal a car because they won't come with you on a motorcycle.

Later, after the hooker has been acquired and "services" performed:

Me: Now can we beat her up or kill her?
Texas: Well we can't shoot her since the cops took our weapons, but we can run her over and get our money back.

Unfortunately by this time I was at the controls, and my driving skills leave something (much) to be desired. Instead of running down the hooker, I ran over an innocent bystander, knocked down a street lamp, and banged up the car some more before getting out of the alley where it all went down. This inspired new lust in me, and I spent the rest of the time laughing maniacally, stealing bigger and better vehicles and running over random passersby. Eventually though, by the time I had stolen a big yellow Humvee, the cops were not amused by my antics and cornered me. I eluded them once by driving over the freeway divider and heading the other direction, but it was too late. The helicopters were out in force and I was quickly cornered again. By this time, the Hummer was badly damaged and on fire. As I climbed out to run away, the Hummer blew up and I died. The end.

But I feel round 2 coming on...a friend recently told me you can actually shoot up a strip club in the game. AND I found out the game actually has a storyline, and actual objectives to achieve while playing! I don't really think that's necessary, but it's a reason to play again I guess.